Bravery? Adventurous? Traveler? or Trusting God?

Well, there are four weeks left until I leave for Germany. Yesterday I gave the okay on my business cards to hand out and shirts are ordered. In the past couple weeks I have been asked numerous times, "Do you have any big plans for the summer?" or "What are you doing this summer?" Of course I responded with "Well, I've got a few school projects to do in the next month, and then I'm going to Germany through 4-H." In the end, I typically explain what IFYE is and that I'm going to stay with host families. As I said in my last post, I have very little information other than that I will probably be staying with three different families while I am there. I do not know what part(s) of Germany I will be going to, or what I will be doing with the families other than the fact that I will be helping out with chores and hopefully getting to see different sights with my families. That alone is a difficult concept for me to still be patient in the "not knowing" field. As I have said before, it is a concept I am learning to give up to God, but it is becoming increasingly difficult as I get closer to the trip.

But then I get the response: "wow, you are so brave!"-meaning to travel on my own to another country, to just let go of the "not knowing" the details of the trip. Well, obviously I haven't let go of the not knowing part very well, but to say I'm brave? I don't feel very brave at all. Rather, I feel very uncertain. I feel as if I don't know if I'm strong enough to go and do this, can I travel alone to meet people I don't know, and in a language I speak very little of? As my departure date draws nearer I am filled with excitement, with uncertainties, and with some fear/anxiety. There is so much yet to determine and to prepare, at times it is almost overwhelming to think about. Am I truly "brave" as so many people have told me? I don't think so, or well, I don't think "brave" is the correct term. Adventurous? Maybe. Traveler? Yes. But "brave"? no I am not brave, I am not brave like so many of the people in the bible-Mary comes to mind first. I know I am meant to go on this trip, I know God will teach me many things through this trip just as He does in everyday life and has in so many ways already this year I am only beginning to digest & process those lessons, but I am so uncertain. Uncertain of what to expect and what's to come. Maybe that in and of itself is another lesson that I am still learning. You would think that maybe in college I would have learned this lesson by now, especially in moving as teaching in a new place and living with a new roommate and everything, but to trust God completely with every little thing-yeah that I am still working on. A part of me wonders if it is something that I will work on my whole life amongst other small lessons along the way.

How was it that Mary was able to trust God so easily? In that moment when the Angel Gabriel appeared to her. I know she must have had many doubts and fears, but she chose to trust, she chose to follow, and all so easily. At least that's how the stories make it sound. Maybe to trust God is an easy choice, but to live it out day to day without question, without fear, is the difficulty. And yet I strongly believe that through our doubts and our fears and our questioning that we pursue a deeper relationship with God, we learn what it means to trust Him wholeheartedly through each phase, and we are reminded of why we are His.

To trust God as Mary did, or as Jesus did, or as Paul did while in jail-those are three examples of people who were brave. I am not brave as these three were, but I am learning to trust and become brave as they were.

Update #2-End of School-Onto Summer-Germany: 5 Weeks Away!

So there is only about a month left before I leave for Germany. It really seems unreal right now, but that is probably due to so much happening in general. Today is the last day of school, and this afternoon I will have completed my first year of teaching! The past few weeks have been crazy busy with activities-from music to sports to award banquets and ceremonies, there were days that I could barely seem to keep track of what was needing to be done, and yet many teachers including myself have been working long hours to get everything done.  It seems that April and May are actually busier than December is when you look at school activities and schedules, but it has been great to go to all the banquets and ceremonies, and attend various activities to see what all the students are involved in and the community support. I could not be prouder of my students or enjoying teaching more than at those events and on the brightest days in the classroom. As the school year comes to a close, it is hard to see the growth from an inside view, but when I step back and remember last fall to this spring, the changes that have occurred are drastic. There is still work to be done, but so much more growth too, and not only in the students but also in myself.

                So as summer approaches and I find myself planning for next year whether reviewing and fixing my handbooks, planning marching band camp, thinking about ideas for drill or for the Christmas concert already, the trip, or the summer projects I have, I tend to push Germany aside. I get caught up in the excitement of planning a new school year, but then I stop and realize how close Germany is, how excited I am to go, and how blessed I am to be able to go on a trip like this. There are so many unknowns yet-like the total cost of the trip, or knowing anything about the host families I will be with or where I will be going in Germany, but I have come to terms finally with the not-knowing. When it is time for me to know, I will be told the information needed. That may mean waiting until I get off the plane in Germany to find out where I am going first or that may mean finding information out next week. Regardless, I trust that God has everything under control and that He is guiding those who are in charge of organizing host families and the costs. It has taken me months to reach this place, at one point I even considered not going because I was frustrated with the not knowing, but now I have learned even more patience.

 In the meantime, I am starting to think again about the meal I will prepare for my host family (and the fact that I need to try making BBQ from scratch first), the gifts I want to bring for my host families, and the pictures that I would like to print and leave with each host family. If you have any tips or ideas, any would be appreciated. I have some ideas already like bringing measuring cups that we use here in the US, but I have had difficulty thinking of other ideas. I’m also looking for something that could represent Kansas, Ohio, and Colorado (or three separate things) as I have lived in all three states at various times over the past few years. I am also planning to work on reviewing my German language skills. I have yet to find the time but plan to make this a priority when school ends. I would like to be able to speak quite a bit of German when I return. Currently my German is very poor, I can understand certain words and phrases, even pronounce words yet, but speaking in a conversation is a challenge. I am looking forward to trying many new dishes while there, being adventurous and hopefully hiking some while I am there, as I have been told that Germans tend to be more active. I do not know yet whether I will be in a rural area or in the city, either experience will be wonderful and I hope I can learn a lot from the families about their lifestyle and how things are done there compared to the US. I also hope to learn about how music is taught, and if/how it has a part in their school system as their school system is quite different from ours.

There is so much to learn and experience, I wonder if I will have learned much in 8 weeks, or barely even touched the tip of an ice-burg in learning about Germany, it’s peoples, and it’s customs. I am so excited, and as I write becoming more excited, yet nervous for what is to come all at the same time! It is still so crazy and still so unreal yet to me. I wonder if it will not seem completely and utterly real until I pack up my stuff and prepare to board the plane to leave for the conference prior to flying to Germany. Whatever the case, there is little news to update in preparation for my trip, except to start a countdown (now that school is over, this is okay to do! Lol)-5 weeks!!! EEK! There’s so much to do between Germany and preparing for school next year!

As far as family or home-life goes: Mom is graduating from college this Saturday! Karen has finished her first year of grad school, Krystal has almost finished her first year of undergrad, and Dad is switching to a day position at school. My roommate and I are very close friends at this point, and our dogs seem to be happy although Winnie I think has felt abandoned the past couple of weeks with all my activities so I will be sure to give her extra attention when I get to stay home the second half of next week. For now, that seems to be all. If you want to know more about the IFYE program or have questions about my trip or school year, feel free to ask! (I also apologize for the length, maybe I should learn to post more often……don’t worry once I leave for Germany I’ll be posting an update once a week as well as a picture or two with each post J).